From wellness of the mind, last week, we turn this week toward the dimensions of wellness that lie in the realm of the “heart” the symbolic home of our emotional and relational selves; and our “souls” the realm of the spiritual issues: identity, meaning, and purpose.
We are looking during this month of August at ways we can prepare ourselves for the work to come when the church year begins in September.
The first day of the church year, in Unitarian Universalist practice is the Sunday after Labor Day. That’s September 9 this year, which is also the first day we will return to our regular schedule of two Sunday services: 9am and 11am
The Worship Committee and I have created a worship plan for the year moving through the themes of history, leadership, identity, mission, and connections. Our Adult Faith Development committee has created a series of Thoughtful Thursdays and adult religious education classes tied in to those themes. Our children’s religious education program plan for the year also coordinates with those themes. Our Leadership Development Committee is planning to offer a program starting in November called Harvest the Power, which is a UUA curriculum designed to connect our spiritual stories with service we might offer our church.
After the first of January I’m hoping to organize an Affirmative Inquiry program that will consist of one-on-one conversations between church members to uncover our stories, our passions, and our dreams for our church. That will be followed by our annual Stewardship Campaign and some conversations about possibly revising our Mission statement.
And then in April, our church hosts the annual District Assembly. And in May you will elect a Search Committee who will spend the following church year looking for a candidate to be your next Settled Minister.
All of that on top of several goals that the Board adopted for the coming year and that I mentioned to you last week
•Work around our internal church communication systems like the monthly newsletter, the weekly email blast, announcements during worship, and the website.
•Work around our governance structure asking questions about the size of the church Board, the time and work commitments required to serve, and the role of the Town Hall meetings within a democratic system and so on.
•Work around organizing our church policies and making them accessible and updatable.
•Work around making the physical space of our church look more attractive and functional: this hall, the church office, the open space outside the minister’s office, the patio behind the lounge. Maybe some air conditioning.
So there is a lot to do. A lot of work. I’m excited about our plans. The work that has been lifted up is valuable and necessary. The work, once finished, will support your church into the future. I’ll be eager to show off our beautiful campus and functional meeting spaces when our guests arrive in April for the District Assembly. And the work we do this year will create an attractive picture of the congregation that the Search Committee can use to attract the best possible candidates for your next Settled Minister.
So that work is coming. The work begins in September. September 9. So the question for August is, what can we do now, to prepare?
Before big work begins we take time to prepare.
If you’re starting a new job there may be a training day to go to. Or you may want to make sure your car is in good shape so you can handle the commute or study the bus schedule. You’ll want to work out childcare arrangements with your spouse.
If you’re starting college in the fall you need to make sure all the enrollment forms are filled out and you’ve figured out financial aid and housing. Maybe you want to get a reading list for your classes and get started reading ahead of time.
If you sign up to run a marathon you don’t just wait until the day of the run and show up at the start, you spend several months of preparation, doing training runs to gradually increase your stamina, and to make sure you’ve got the right shoes, and to figure out your strategy for managing your strength when the day of the run finally arrives.
So for the work of the church year, too, we spend the month of August, each year, gearing up for the big day, September 9 this year, and the year that follows.
Preparing for the work of the church means preparing ourselves mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Guiding us through this program I’ve been using the work of Rev. Dr. Scott Stoner who created a wellness initiative called Living Compass. Much of his work is available on the Living Compass website, as well as books he has written and curriculum that he offers to church groups.
What especially attracts me about Dr. Stoner’s approach is that he sees wellness in a holistic way. There are four points to his Living Compass: Mind, heart, soul, and body. All four are important to wellness. All four need attention if we are going to be well prepared for hard work.
Last week we looked at the compass point of Mind. Today I want to look at the two compass points of emotions and spirituality, or metaphorically “heart” and “soul.”
First emotions.
Emotional wellness includes the ability to feel all our emotions. A rich life is not walled off from emotions. We feel the full depth of human experience. We cry, when it’s appropriate. We laugh when it’s appropriate. We feel fear when the reality is dangerous. We feel joy. We feel sadness.
Just as with mental or physical ability, our ability to feel emotions varies among different people. The spectrum of what’s normal is broad. Some people are more naturally connected to emotions than others. So the question of wellness here is, within the range that is normal for you, are you able to fully feel what there is to feel or have you created for yourself walls in your emotional life that protect you from feeling or expressing certain emotions?
Perhaps some feelings don’t feel safe for you, so you decide you can’t go there. And sometimes that’s healthy, sometimes not. Perhaps you’re worried about losing control. Perhaps you’re embarrassed to feel some emotions because our culture tells you not to feel what you feel.
Some folks could achieve better emotional wellness by doing self-work, or work with a counselor, to open themselves to a more authentic connection with their full range of emotions. Other folks might find themselves too emotional, feeling so much that their emotions interfere with their ability to work, or relate to other people, or connect to reality.
Here are a few questions Dr. Stoner asks that you can use as a self-assessment of your emotional wellness. He asks:
•Are you handling your emotions or are they handling you?
•Are you comfortable feeling and expressing the full range of emotions: sadness, fear, anger, joy, etc?
•Do your emotions get the best of you causing you to say or do things you regret later?
•Are you ever concerned that you might be suffering from depression or anxiety? Would you be comfortable seeking help if you were troubled by emotions?
•Are you comfortable listening and being present to someone else who is hurting, upset, or very emotional?
•In the words of the Serenity Prayer, how well are you able to “accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference”?
Under the compass point of Heart, Dr. Stoner also asks us to consider our personal relationships. He includes here romantic love relationships, and also relationships with friends and family. I would also add that emotional wellness includes healthy relationships with colleagues at work, or with other kinds of communities you’re involved in like a church.
Healthy relationships balance the paired spiritual goals of freedom and connection.
To be our best, healthy, selves we must feel free to be ourselves. To be fully alive and active in the world we must create circumstances where we can fully express exactly who we are: our unique, wonderful, fabulous, never-before-seen or to be seen again selves. The special gift that we were made to be for the world.
But we are not just fabulous, unique, individuals, we are also social creatures, living in communities of mutual need and responsibility, and all of us together are connected to something larger than ourselves that gives our lives meaning and purpose.
A healthy relationship recognizes our need to be ourselves but also notices the places where our free expression conflicts with the needs of the community to care for all. Healthy relationships and communities set boundaries for the good of the whole that may limit some self-expressions, but also allow the individual to flourish in the communal dimension.
It’s a difficult balance. All relationships have this push and pull. Let me be me for me. But also understanding that I am my best when I’m asked to be accountable and responsible to the needs of others and fulfill my duties for the good of all.
Dr. Stoner asks these questions:
•How transparent and authentic are you in your relationships?
•Are you comfortable being vulnerable with those to whom you are closest?
•Do you turn to others for help and support when you need it, or are you more of a lone ranger?
•Is there at least one person in your life that you can be fully yourself with?
•Do you have any old, unresolved wounds from your family of origin that affect the quality of your relationships today?
The third compass point of Dr. Stoner’s Living Compass is the compass point of spirituality.
When I use the word spirituality I mean it in an inclusive way that is completely independent of theology. I believe that all people are spiritual: atheist, theist, agnostic, religious or non-religious, mystic or scientist (or both). So although you might bristle at that word “spiritual”, bear with me for a minute, and let me explain the way I use the word “spiritual”.
I say that all people are spiritual, because all people, naturally, as part of being human, wrestle throughout their lives with the spiritual questions of Identity, Meaning, and Purpose: the spiritual questions of “Who am I?” “Why does it Matter?” and “What should I do?”
“Who am I?” is the question of Identity. What does it mean to be me? What does it mean to be human? Is there a difference between human beings and other animals? Is there a part of my self that is immortal? Those are the spiritual questions of Identity that everyone considers. How you answer them defines your theology, which may be atheist or theist, Christian or Buddhist or whatever. But everyone asks those questions. To some people those questions are very important. Other folks aren’t too concerned. But even if the questions are asked and quickly dismissed, we all ask them.
“Why does it matter?” is the spiritual question of values. What is important? What is worth fighting for? What is worth dying for? Why does it bother me that children are separated from their families at the US border? Should it bother me that the planet is getting hotter every year? Why does it matter? That’s the spiritual question of Meaning.
And the spiritual question of Purpose is: “What should I do?” Being the kind of person that I am, and valuing the things that I value, what should I do with my life? Should I join a monastery? Should I become a lawyer? Should a put on a pink hat and go to the women’s march? Should I grab a clipboard and start registering voters?
So, all people are spiritual. The answers you give to the spiritual questions define your theology, which can include a god or not. And the way you order your life in response to those questions might make you religious or vehemently anti-religious. You might answer the spiritual questions with supernaturalism or with strict scientific materialism, but wherever you come out we all wrestle with those same spiritual questions. It’s part of our human nature. A spiritual dimension that is not quite the same as mental, emotional, or physical.
So if you’re still with me, the final question for today is, what does wellness of the spirit, look like?
Dr. Stoner gives a few landmarks scattered around this compass point.
First is that spiritual wellness includes a spiritual practice. We had a good discussion about this at our senior lunch a couple of weeks ago. A spiritual practice is anything that you do regularly (meaning it’s a practice), that is holistic (meaning that it includes all of you); ecstatic (meaning that it opens you out to an expansive feeling); and intentional (meaning that you do it deliberately with the intent of connecting to your spiritual nature).
Spiritual wellness includes participation in a spiritual community. Congratulations, you’ve got that one. The benefits of belonging to a spiritual community is a topic for another sermon sometime, but you probably already know that being here is good for you in many ways.
And spiritual wellness includes practicing spiritual virtues such as forgiveness, humility, charity, kindness, patience and so on.
The final aspect of spiritual wellness has to do with rest and play. I will postpone that discussion until next week because rest and play also relates to the topic for next week, which is physical health, wellness of the body.
We began worship this morning by singing together, “With heart and mind and voice and hand may we this time and place transcend.” Attention to all the compass points of our beings is necessary to achieve true wellness.
We said together in our opening words, “Let us love the world through heart and mind and body.” Loving the world isn’t just feeling love, it’s planning our love, and it’s working our love with physical action. But working or planning that doesn’t come from love is equally dangerous. We sang, in the words of St. Paul, “Though I may speak with bravest fire, and have the gift to all inspire, and have not love, my words are vain, as sounding brass and hopeless gain.”
A healthy life is one where heart and mind and body and soul are each equally fit, equally strong, integrated and mutually supportive to bring us to the world, prepared to do the good work of love and peace and justice, inspired by the vision of our spirits.