\u201cI\u2019m so sorry\u2026 \u201c Rachel explained breathlessly. \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t believe it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019re fine.\u201d Sheila held the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mark came in behind his wife carrying a bottle of wine. \u201cWe stumbled into a little domestic drama.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWitnesses, not participants,\u201d Rachel clarified. She nodded at Mike, Sheila\u2019s husband, in the hall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd not really a domestic<\/em> drama,\u201d said Mark, \u201cOutdoors. A sidewalk performance we had to watch for ten minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh,\u201d said Sheila. \u201cWell come on in. John and Jan are here.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mike shook Mark\u2019s hand. \u201cSo what\u2019s the drama?” he asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark handed the wine bottle to Mike. Then, addressing the entire living room, Jan and John already on the couch with drinks in hand, started his story. \u201cWe were driving up Main from the freeway. At fifth street we stopped at the light.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh,\u201d said Sheila, sighing. \u201cA fifth street story.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat is this?\u201d asked Jan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMark is telling the story of why they\u2019re late,\u201d explained Mike.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou\u2019re perfectly on time,\u201d Sheila soothed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell first, if we hadn\u2019t forgotten the wine and had to go back for it we might have avoided the whole thing,\u201d said Rachel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark went on. \u201cStopped at the light at fifth and Main, this man and woman step into the sidewalk in front of us\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe crosswalk,\u201d Rachel corrected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe crosswalk, obviously in the midst of an ongoing scene.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIn medias res,\u201d John supplied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cShe is screaming at him,\u201d added Rachel. \u201c\u2019I\u2019m not playing! I\u2019m not playing.\u2019 And he\u2019s pleading, \u2018Baby, come on.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark continued. \u201cAnd then she says, \u2018I know you fucking Wanda. I know you be fucking Wanda.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh my God,\u201d said Jan, softly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLet me guess\u2026,\u201d said Mike.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHoney, don\u2019t,\u201d chided Sheila.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark\u2019s enthusiasm grew. \u201cAt that point she pulls out the stuff she\u2019s carrying. She was pulling a shopping cart behind her\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNot like a big grocery store cart,\u201d Rachel explained.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cOne of those little wire ones on two wheels that you pull.\u201c\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI know what you mean,\u201d said Sheila, \u201cfor errands.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe have one, too, actually,\u201d said Rachel, remembering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSo her\u2019s is stuffed full with plastic bags and clothes and what not. So she starts pulling stuff out and throwing it at the guy. Then she kicks the whole cart\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSuper angry,\u201d Rachel interrupted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut everything\u2019s too light to launch very far, so she kicks the whole cart over. Stuff spills everywhere. Still yelling.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh my God,\u201d said Jan again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark went on. \u201cOf course, the light is green now, but they\u2019re still in the sidewalk so nobody can move. Cars are backing up behind us.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cEverybody\u2019s honking,\u201d added Rachel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh,\u201d said Sheila. \u201cI think we heard the honking. Just before you arrived.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c\u2026just down the street.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAnd then,\u201d Mark went on, excitedly. \u201cGet this. The clothes she was throwing weren’t doing any damage, so now she picks up the whole cart. She\u2019s holding it over her head. The guy is telling her to calm down.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cShe screams\u2026, \u2018Asshole! Asshole!’\u201d Rachel looked at Sheila, apologizing, her voice louder than she had expected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHe\u2019s calling her \u2018Baby\u2019 pleading but also yelling. And trying to get her out of the sidewalk, but also not wanting to get too close.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCrosswalk,\u201d said Rachel. \u201cShe was like insane. She was so angry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSo now she throws the metal cart. It misses him, but it does hit the front of the car next to us. So those two guys\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh my God!\u201d said Jan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBig guys,\u201d Rachel said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cJeez,\u201d said Mike.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201c\u2026 jump out of the car and they start yelling. But I guess they didn\u2019t want to fight the girl, so\u2026 fortunately. But, the guy, I mean the first guy, is obviously intimidated so he yells at the girl, \u2018Bitch,\u2019 he yells. \u2018You crazy,\u2019 and he runs off.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWow.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI know. She stares down the guys getting out of their car and screams at them. What does she scream, honey? This was funny.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI didn\u2019t think it was funny. She yells. \u2018This is my<\/em> life.\u2019 Just like that. \u2018This is my<\/em> life.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCan\u2019t argue with that,\u201d observed Mike.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhich actually cracks the guys up. So they say, \u2018Get outta the road, bitch\u2019. But then\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh my God. There\u2019s more?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Rachel finishes the story. \u201cThen. And mind you I\u2019m already pretty scared by this point. Then, she turns to look at me, this girl. Mind you, I\u2019m just sitting in the car. She looks right at me, super fierce, like really scary, and she says, \u2018You no better than me. You know you ain\u2019t nothing.’\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWow.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhy me? It was like some random judgment from the universe. \u2018You know you ain\u2019t nothing,\u2019 she says.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThen she kicks at the clothes in the street, kicks the metal cart, leaves everything in the crosswalk, and huffs off in the opposite direction like super proud of herself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cShe frightened me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSure,\u201d said Sheila. \u201cThe whole thing sounds scary.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut she looked right at me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWow,\u201d said Jan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSorry,\u201d said Sheila. \u201cI expect you need a drink.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDinner and a show!\u201d exclaimed John.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mike laughed. \u201cGive her a Tony!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell, that\u2019s not the kind of show I want to go with my dinner,\u201d said Shiela, trying to regain focus. \u201cThis neighborhood embarrasses me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Rachel dropped her bag on a chair. They got settled on the couch. A glass of wine for Rachel. Scotch for Mark. Sheila and Mike had lived downtown for ten years. John was a friend from work. He\u2019d been seeing Jan for a few years. Sheila was the cook.<\/p>\n\n\n\n ***<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s an Afghani chicken thing I saw on this guy\u2019s youtube channel.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s beautiful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThese are yellow lentils. And that\u2019s a sweet potato salad I got from a recipe in the Times<\/em> and wanted to try.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh, I think I saw that, with rosemary.\u201d Jan transferred a scoop to her plate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAnybody need another drink, water?\u201d Mike asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSo, John. Tell us about the new job.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cA new job?\u201d asked Mark.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSame company. But I\u2019ve moved from the technical side to sales.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIs that a promotion?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell it\u2019s more money,\u201d he laughed. \u201cSo, yes. And if you ever want to get into a senior position you have to go through sales. They never recruit senior management from the tech side.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBecause from sales you actually bring in revenue,\u201d guessed Mike.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRight. So this might lead to something, if I do it right.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou\u2019ll be running the place in a few years,\u201d said Sheila.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYeah, but sales\u2026\u201d Rachel\u2019s tone expressed her displeasure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell it\u2019s not like I\u2019m cold calling people.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut there is traveling,\u201d added Jan, \u201cSo we\u2019re going to have to figure that out.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYeah. It\u2019s mostly companies that we already work with. I develop a relationship, find out how their business is evolving, and then I help them design the tech package that matches their need.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOK.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThen I go back to the tech team and I tell them how to customize the product.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhich you\u2019re good at,\u201d Mike understood, \u201cbecause you used to do the tech yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGreat.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCongratulations.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThanks,\u201d said John. \u201cIt feels like a new start. Which I kind of needed. I was getting bored. Very different. A new office, on a new floor\u2026 Tell them what you said, Jan, when you came for lunch.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cEverybody dresses better.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRight. I have to buy a suit!\u201d He laughed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOooh. Let me go with you,\u201d Shelia gushed. \u201cMike never lets me buy him new clothes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBeware enterprises that require new clothes,\u201d said Mike.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAhh!\u201d Rachel screamed. Red wine slopped into her plate and spilled into her lap. \u201cI\u2019m so sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sheila leaped up.\u00a0\u00a0Mark righted Rachel\u2019s wine glass.\u00a0\u00a0Rachel stood up quickly, a red stain spread on the skirt of her dress.\u00a0\u00a0Mike ran for towels.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cJohn, honey, it\u2019s getting into your place mat.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m such a klutz.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo, darling. You\u2019re fine.\u201d Sheila mopped the table. Mike removed the ruined meal and the placemat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRachel, let me soak that dress right away. You can wear one of mine.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m so sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNot a problem. It\u2019s cotton, right? I\u2019ll just throw it in the machine. It\u2019ll be dry by the time you leave. Give me that placemat, too.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAnd this napkin,\u201d said Mark.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m so sorry\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cStop it. Just a spill. It could happen to anyone. You guys finish up. We\u2019ll be back in a minute and have dessert.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n ***<\/p>\n\n\n\n They left the dessert plates on the table and came back to the couch, Rachel feeling awkward in Sheila\u2019s dress, but looking perfectly fine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHere\u2019s a question\u2026\u201d Mark smiled, pleased with himself, his hand around a small glass of port. \u201cWhat if you could be someone else for one day?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOh, Mark, please\u2026,\u201d complained Rachel. She sat across from him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI swear, Rachel,\u201d said Mike. \u201cYou look better in that dress than Sheila. No offense,\u201d he added, glancing toward his wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo,\u201d she agreed. \u201cYou should keep it. It\u2019s too small for me now and it looks great on you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d asked John to Mark, curious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell,\u201d Mark went on. “When we were talking about privilege and income inequality at dinner and how lucky we all are to have the lives we have, I started to wonder what if you could be someone else for a day? Just to try it out.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m perfectly happy just as I am,\u201d said Sheila.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark sat forward. \u201cNo doubt. But you love novels, don\u2019t you? We go to theater and movies. Isn\u2019t that the pleasure of reading a novel? Isn\u2019t that why we watch television shows? We want to know what it\u2019s like to be rich, or a spy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOr a lawyer.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cExactly. Isn\u2019t that the attraction? Experiencing people who aren\u2019t us, having lives different from us. Wouldn\u2019t the ultimate theater be to actual be another person?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut I don\u2019t want to be a spy\u2026\u201d said Jan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou certainly don\u2019t want to be a lawyer,\u201d joked Mike.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Jan went on. \u201cI like stories of other people, but I don\u2019t want to be\u2026\u201d She grimaced, thinking about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut just for one day. I\u2019m saying that on purpose. Not forever. Enough chance to really experience it, but not to have to give up your own life forever.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhy are you asking this?\u201d Rachel cautioned, suspicious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI have no idea what it\u2019s like to be poor, or a farmer, or a woman, even. Think about it. Wouldn\u2019t it be fun to actually be someone really different from who you are? Just to see?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIsn\u2019t that even why we have dinner parties, right, or why we have friends?\u201d asked John, agreeing. \u201cBecause we need something more than just our own lives?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut it\u2019s not possible,\u201d said Rachel. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo, of course.\u201d Mark conceded. \u201cBut just for fun. If it were. Would you do it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCan you imagine a service, like a travel agency?\u201d Sheila played along. \u201cOr like a spa? You check in and change into a robe and then go down a hallway to a little room with a machine and take a vacation into someone else\u2019s life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cA day trip,\u201d Mike imagined.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI certainly wouldn\u2019t want to do it for longer than a day,\u201d said Jan. \u201cEven an hour kind of gives me the chills.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAre we allowed to pick from a menu or is it just random?\u201d asked Sheila, getting into it. \u201cBecause I wouldn\u2019t mind being really rich for a day, or really beautiful for a day, relaxing on a beach somewhere with a perfect body\u2026 my gorgeous swim suit\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou are beautiful, baby,\u201d Mike assured her, rearranging his legs to lean forward and grab a handful of nuts from the coffee table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMaybe if it didn\u2019t have to be a human life,\u201d Sheila went on. \u201cBecause I could see being some pampered dog for a day. Or a cat.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Rachel agreed with that. \u201cI might actually get a good day\u2019s rest for once.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHuman only,\u201d Mark specified. \u201cCome on. Would you do it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut what would happen if something happened to that person, that day. I mean while you were them. What if they died? Would you die, too, or could you come back?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMy god, raped. Or kidnapped. My god, horrible things happen to people every day,\u201d Jan worried.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mike agreed. \u201cThat\u2019s the problem with all of these science fiction scenarios. There\u2019s always some catch that gets you into trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo catch. I mean you can set the rules however you like. But take me seriously. We have just this one life. We\u2019re always looking out of this one pair of eyes. There are eight billion people on the planet. All those lives we never get to experience. It just feels so small to know only myself. I mean really know.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI get it,\u201d agreed Sheila, encouraging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark went on. \u201cSo what if you could experience a really different life? Not the lives of your friends. And not some remarkable life of a celebrity. But just one of those eight billion anonymous people out there?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sheila was excited. \u201cLike when people travel and all they want to do is exactly what they would do at home. And eat the same foods.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAnd look at the sites, but want nothing to do with the people,\u201d added Mike.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes,\u201d said Mark, enthusiastically. \u201cBut even if you do it well. Even if you really strive to know other people. Or another person. I mean, deeply, intimately. There\u2019s always a distance.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mike nodded. \u201cThat\u2019s why we marry, right? Because that\u2019s as close as we can get to really knowing another person.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes. But, there\u2019s still that distance. What if somehow we could have the experience of no distance. Actually be someone other than ourselves?\u201d He took a breath. \u201cFor a day.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI suppose it would be interesting,\u201d Mike admitted. \u201cBut not a lawyer.\u201d He crunched an almond. \u201cOK. Sign me up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMy goodness.\u201d Jan trembled a little. \u201cCan you imagine? What if you were a criminal?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOr a teenager again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOr working in a call center. Yikes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOdds are you\u2019d be Chinese,\u201d reasoned Mike. \u201cI mean percentage-wise.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI think there\u2019s actually more people in India now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOr Nigerians, isn\u2019t it?\u201d asked Sheila.<\/p>\n\n\n\n John had been thoughtful. \u201cWait a second, though\u201d he said. \u201cIt won\u2019t work.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell of course. It\u2019s just to think about.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo. I mean, even to think about, there\u2019s a problem in your scenario.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOf course there is,\u201d sighed Rachel. \u201cIt\u2019s just silly. Let\u2019s talk about something else.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n John straightened his back. \u201cYou missed something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat?\u201d Mark encouraged.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLet\u2019s imagine I\u2019m going to trade places with this Nigerian mother of three living in a hut and spending her day cooking and trying to keep the flies out of her kid\u2019s eyes\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat was impressively specific,\u201d teased Sheila.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m just inventing an example. Is it me, being her? I mean, am I waking up inside her mind for the day?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes\u2026 That\u2019s the whole point.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut if it\u2019s me waking up inside her, then I\u2019m not being her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark considered. \u201cNo. You\u2019d be her.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut if I\u2019m her,\u201d John reasoned, \u201cThen I\u2019m not me, and it’s not me having the experience.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI don\u2019t understand,\u201d said Jan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m saying. If it\u2019s me looking through her eyes, then I\u2019m not really being her. I\u2019m having a very strange experience, but it\u2019s me. But if I\u2019m her, which is what you mean, I think: her thoughts and memories and feelings, and\u2026\u201d on a roll now, \u201c you know, her fears and loves and everything that really makes her, her, well then I\u2019m not me any more, so it\u2019s not me having the experience.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut that\u2019s what I\u2019m saying,\u201d insisted Mike. \u201cWhat if you could actually be her, living her life for that one day?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut I<\/em> can\u2019t. Don\u2019t you see?\u201d John insisted. \u201cIf she\u2019s still there, doing all the things she knows how to do, and thinking her thoughts and so on, then I\u2019m just observing, right, like reading a novel. Right? I\u2019m not actually experiencing her experience.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark thought. \u201cI guess that\u2019s right.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOr, if I could completely be her, which is what you want to imagine, right? I mean, if I could lose myself completely and just be in her life and have only her thoughts that one day, then at the end of the day, I\u2019d have no recollection, because I was never actually there. Right? It can\u2019t be her experience and my experience both.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI see,\u201d Sheila agreed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI see,\u201d Mark agreed, too, sadly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI could spend a day being her, but it wouldn\u2019t be me. Or I could spend a day being me, in her body, in Nigeria, but I wouldn\u2019t be her. I would still be me.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt would still be interesting, though.\u201d Sheila wanted to make the best of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSure,\u201d said Mark. \u201cBut only in the way that reading a novel is interesting. I was trying to imagine something more\u2026 totalizing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s impossible.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe can\u2019t get out of ourselves,\u201d said John. \u201cMight as well get used to it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell think of all the lives you\u2019re spared,\u201d said Mike. \u201cJust as well. A little more port, Mark? Anyone?\u201d Mike stood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo, I\u2019m good.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThere\u2019s more cake, too,\u201d said Sheila.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cPlease don\u2019t leave it all for Mike and me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n ***<\/p>\n\n\n\n They took a different route home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAre you happy being you?\u201d Rachel asked. She was still wearing Sheila\u2019s dress. Her own dress washed and dried, folded in her lap. Mark was driving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSure.\u201d He paused. \u201cAre you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSure,\u201d she answered. She looked out the window. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAnyway, we\u2019re stuck.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n She didn\u2019t answer. They passed a nightclub with a small cluster of people standing on the sidewalk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n ***<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mark got into bed quickly. Rachel undressed in the bathroom. She looked at herself longly in the mirror, then pulled Sheila\u2019s dress over her head and looked at herself again. She considered adding the dress to the hamper with her and Mark\u2019s clothes but then thought better of it and in her underwear walked with the dress out to the garage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The hood of the car still radiated heat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She lifted the lid of the washer, poured in a half a cup of detergent, and placed the dress inside. She closed the lid and started the machine. The water began to fill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Her eye caught the black metal grocery cart folded up and leaning in the corner of the garage. She picked it up, unfolded it, feeling the weight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She lifted it, held it over her head, arms extended, trying to feel angry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAsshole,\u201d she said, under her breath, worried that if she shouted Mark might hear her. \u201cAsshole,\u201d she said again, louder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She wanted to throw it. Longed to throw it hard against the front of the car, imagining the scratches it would make, or the dent. The broken head light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But she couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She lowered the cart back down and set it upright on the floor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"